Hello everybody and welcome back to another blog. I woke up with massiveeeee anxiety today so , very healthily, I decided to drown myself in work. (that's a joke btw, can't always be distracted but hey! here we are). As you all know, I have a few e-commerce businesses so a portion of my day is dedicated to social media posts, reels, stories, tiktoks, fucking tweets and all the other annoying stuff that goes into that but I'm not here to complain because I am forever grateful to be my own boss BUT, ever since I began my spiritual journey, I started following a lot of pages with , of course ,spiritual information . Love seems to be a recurring theme in my timeline so I wanted to address the topic of Love and Relationships.
Am I a love expert? fuck no .
Am I even a life expert? also, fuck no.
Am I a relationship pro? again, fuck no .
But here are my thoughts, which you can feel free to agree or disagree with. Blogging is a form of therapy for me, sooooo here I go....You know the drill, grab a snack. And as always, I thank you for being here.
Too many times I've heard people say things along the lines of "you're so lucky you found your person".
"You guys are so lucky to have each other " .. "he proposed? You're so lucky!!"
Which got me thinking one very realistic thought. Love is not about luck. Love is about collaboration . Yes, you can meet someone and feel lucky to have met them , but this isn't what I mean.
You can be the luckiest person in the world as far as financial abundance, having amazing children, a great family , the career of your dreams, and still be in a shit storm relationship if there is not collaboration.
Let me elaborate.
Love is not enough. We can love someone to the ends of the earth and still be unsatisfied. Still be unhappy . Still have feelings of inadequacy or insecurity. It ain't got shit to do with the actual love.
Yes, being in love is amazing. We all crave love and we all want it in the end, because after all, love is the highest energy, the highest frequency of all. This is why we have to stay mindful of doing everything we do, and saying everything we say, from a place of Love. There absolutely is no higher frequency. Whether love for self, love for career , or love from or for another person. We do things from love, or at least we should. Love is the highest vibration and the highest state of consciousness in the Universe. By tuning in to this vibrational frequency we are aligning ourselves with its very essence. Divine Source Energy .
Love is also the most sacred energy exchange. But that's what relationships and love are supposed to be. An exchange. You give some, I give some. You do that, I do this. Giving and Receiving. This absolutely cannot be one sided, and it absolutely cannot be unbalanced in reciprocity. (Check out my Masculine Vs Feminine Energy blog for more of this ) . EVERYTHING in life is about BALANCE . Equal Give and Take, black and white, light and dark, and reciprocity.
Think about work. If you work, you get paid. If you don't put in the work you're supposed to, you get fired.
Period!!! It's not about "luck"... Healthy and successful love and relationships take WORK, from BOTH parties. Friendships included here guys, I'm talking about Love in a general sense as well.
You can have a bestie from 2nd grade, who you still talk to daily, but also find yourself being the one who always checks in first, the one who puts their neck out for the other person, and they can even disappoint you constantly with their lack of follow through. Even though , it happens a lot ,you're hurt every time, and you've spoken about it before, you still love them . So you stick around. ..Essentially hurting yourself because you have higher expectations. (I will be writing another blog soon about expectations)
Please remember that unconditional love does not mean unconditional tolerance. Continuing to let shit slide will only start a war within yourself. And you are the star player in your own damn life.
Its ALL about Reciprocity and what? Say it with me !!! BALANCE!!!
Another thought, can people change? yes of course.
Will they change if you've mentioned something bothering you? Possibly.
But if they continue to show you that the friendship or relationship isn't equal, do you continue to hurt yourself and betray your own feelings? Out of love?
Love and energy has to be reciprocated. There is no other way around successful partnerships. Point blank. If you're a man, and you go to work everyday , lets say you are the bread winner. Your wife is a stay at home mother, You pay the bills right? The exchange here is your wife taking care of the house.
I'm not talking about these traditional "man does this", "woman cleans" caveman bullshit. I'm talking about the exchange.
If you've worked a 12 hour day, busted your ass, dealt with clients, attended meetings, got yelled at by your boss, and you come home to your partner sitting straight on their ass, no food made, house is a mess, and they haven't done a damn thing productive, your first thought isn't going to be "so happy to be home"... Your first thought could very well be "wtf did she do all day? why do I bust my ass for this and she doesn't help me ?" (switch the roles, gender don't matter , all that) But am I making sense here?
Yes, things happen, life happens. But when one person is giving into ANYTHING more than the other, you've caused an energetic imbalance , and everything is energy so how do you think that's going to affect you?
I feel like I've been blogging about balance a lot lately and it's mostly because I feel a lot of imbalance, tension , and worry in the collective. It comes up in readings for my clients as well. So many people are living unhappy because they are programmed to think love is enough.And as long as you're in love, you should tolerate whatever. You know how many married people you probably know who are miserable together but they stay because "its easy" or It's what they're "used to" . Sometimes people just feel too old to start over, or make new friends, so they turn a a blind eye to the bullshit, the lies, the cheating, and it don't even have to be that serious. It can simply be just an uneven exchange and always feeling like they give more than the other person but they turn a blind eye on their own damn selves, and what they need to be happy. They abandon true happiness within. Slap a smile on their face and say "well...at LEAST he doesn't hit me" ... bitch, what? Ask any married couple you know, if they are truly happy. You'd be surprised at the answers . Ask a knowingly unhappy couple why they stay? You'd be shocked.
"Well you know, we have a child "... "Well, we have this house right..." But you're miserable?! Why actively CHOOSE misery ? I just don't get it.
"He's cheated 12 times, but I love him so much " ... "She never helps me and she's a bitch to my mother but I love her so much " .
Being loved is the MINIMUM. Make sure you are also being respected, prioritized, supported, desired, and understood. And don't be confused by these WORDS. If your friends are saying "I respect you"..."our friendship is a priority " .. " I understand ".. But their actions prove otherwise, then the truth is, they don't.
You can't force anyone to be perfect, we're all human, we're all flawed.And of course NO ONE is perfect. But if they want to talk to you, they will, if they want to be with you, they will. If they want to make things work, they will . Don't let any relationship you're involved in be one sided. It's not healthy and it's not fair to you. There's nothing worse than begging people to stick around when they've shown you several times they don't care. Do not water dead plants. It will not blossom into a garden , no matter what you do.
The only way to PROVE you care, is ACTION. It's not repeating things that hurt your friends, family, wives, husbands, boyfriends, whatever. It's so much easier than our human brains make it out to be.
Reciprocity is the practice of exchanging things with others for mutual benefit.
When you are in a relationship, or a friendship .This other person is now your team mate. This is why it's called a Partnership . A team cannot win the game with one player.
Unfortunately, we do not consciously think of reciprocity because we're all human and we are all "errored" (yes, I made that word up) .When we speak on these subjects, we're like "omg, yes of course. so important !" and we just keep it moving. The thing about reciprocity is that it can not be EXACT. We all have different strengths and weaknesses. What one person can provide, the other one might not be able to, so this is why communication is so important. "hey, I don't make as much money as you, but I will do this this that and other " (actually gotta do it though, ya feel me?)
Reciprocity is impossible if one person believes they are superior or in control , or if someone is highly competitive, they might have a hard time truly understanding what reciprocity even is.
But this equal give and take does require both parties to be aware and to be invested.
A few easy ways to practice reciprocity, is to learn each others love languages. (google it, its a thing)
Work on communication , seek counseling if you need help. Avoid "keeping score" , and practice independence so that you learn to value the support you receive from your person . Codependency can damage that all .
“Give and take” is a mechanism inherent to all personal relationships – you cannot expect to receive something if you don’t offer on your own turn.Once the balance between give and take is broken, difficulties arise and partners feel they are not getting too much from their relationship."
Like I said, I ain't no expert. I'm a weirdo sipping coffee at 5pm that overthinks. But one thing I know for sure, is that LUCK, isn't a factor. Yes, you may feel lucky to meet someone or have someone, or have that friend. But those initial WOW feelings , fade. The adrenaline rush fades. What you're left with is love. And love alone, is not enough. .
Think of it like this.
He spoils her. She spoils him .
No roles, No ego, no games.
Partners, Best friends, a team.
A King & a Queen.
Love needs respect, and the give and take of equality.
Love needs acceptance , appreciation, and an equal energy flow.
Everything is energy ;an exchange. You get what you put out. The energy you expand , comes back. What you put into nourishing yourself or a connection , is what you will get back.
So we can't keep walking around this Earth expecting to GET more when we don't DO more , and thats with anything.
I'll leave you with this...
"Reciprocity is sharing of energy that honors and refuels each person in the exchange. When your first reaction is to dump on someone or extract without considering how that person may feel or what they may need, whether friend , family , or co worker, we are operating from a self that wants to be coddled. a glimmer of the mother wound from our childhood. We must invest in ourselves and honor the space another holds for us."
Vany the Bruja